A Festivus for the Restofus

I saw a trend on Twitter for “Festivus” and discovered that Festivus is a made up secular holiday (which apparently finds its origin in Seinfeld). Festivus is strategically placed the day before Christmas Eve, and it is supposed to be a time for secularists to vent their grievances. And I couldn’t be more thrilled.

Although it’s mostly celebrated in jest, and has been embraced by the religious and non-religious alike, Secularism having an entire holiday dedicated to grievances, unthankfulness, and bitterness is as fitting to Secularism as joy, peace, hope, and thankfulness is to Christianity.

“For although they knew God, they did not honor him as God or give thanks to him, but they became futile in their thinking, and their foolish hearts were darkened” (Romans 1:21).

Once the truth of the Triune God is exchanged, there is no one to whom one can be truly thankful. Secularism has fickle gods, and no need for soteriology. The mythology of its origin story is embarrassing enough, imagine how difficult it gets when its bleak eschatology is thrown into the mix. Secularism leaves us with nothing to be grateful for, and it collapses societies in the process. Festivus really should be its high holiday.

Christians on the other hand have Christmas, and its “merry.” It’s wrapped in the wonder and beauty of the Incarnation, God becoming flesh. It’s light breaking through darkness; it’s the fulfillment of prophecy; it’s God walking among us; it’s forgiveness of sins; it’s peace on earth; it’s good will towards men; it’s the world being won. It truly is a time to be merry. Secularism can keep the grievances.

Tis the Season

Although I am not a Secularist, I decided to comment on an organization which is extremely devout in the Secular religion. In fact, this organization is a somewhat of a mass of Temples with very busy Holy of Holies, for it is in these places the Secular high priests offer their sacrifices (which can never take away sins, but in fact, only multiply them tremendously). If you haven’t guessed it by now, the organization I’m referring to is Planned Parenthood. And I would like to vent my grievances-call it catching the Festivus spirit-with Planned Parenthood and their marketing team.

A Planned Parenthood Christmas

On Twitter, Planned Parenthood’s official page wished everyone a “happy holidays.” That phrase is can a bit passive aggressive and ambiguous. It can be difficult to tell if its is inclusivist jargon shying away from mentioning a Christian holiday exclusively, or if it is merely a phrase for lumping Christmas and New Years together. Regardless, Planned Parenthood is including Christmas in this phrase, even if a plethora of other holidays can be found in the holiday barrel. Thus, in a very real sense, Planned Parenthood wished me a happy Christmas. Now it’s time to deck the halls with grievances.

The irony here is thicker than Christmas tree sap. Planned parenthood wished us all happy holidays, the most prominent of which being a holiday that focuses on the birth of a baby. Christmas is about a child that was not slaughtered. Christmas is about a child that was born. Jesus was not “kept comfortable” in a feeding troth until Mary had a discussion about what to do with Him next. (Keep in mind, the vast majority of Democratic presidential candidates would celebrate Mary’s “reproductive freedom” to have murdered Jesus even after He was wrapped in swaddling clothes.)

Planned Parenthood is an organization dedicated to preventing children from being born. It is dedicated to murdering those children before they can see the light of day. Its desire is to make sure children never leave the womb in one piece. Planned Parenthood doing anything but vociferously protesting Christmas is unbecoming of their ministry.  Rather, Planned Parenthood should be campaigning to, like Festivus, create a holiday more fitting to their theology and practice. Perhaps something commemorating Herod, rather than Jesus, Joseph, and Mary would be apt.

Now after Jesus was born in Bethlehem of Judea in the days of Herod the king, behold, wise men from the east came to Jerusalem, saying, “Where is he who has been born king of the Jews? For we saw his star when it rose and have come to worship him.” When Herod the king heard this, he was troubled, and all Jerusalem with him; and assembling all the chief priests and scribes of the people, he inquired of them where the Christ was to be born. They told him, “In Bethlehem of Judea, for so it is written by the prophet: “‘And you, O Bethlehem, in the land of Judah, are by no means least among the rulers of Judah; for from you shall come a ruler who will shepherd my people Israel.'” Then Herod summoned the wise men secretly and ascertained from them what time the star had appeared. And he sent them to Bethlehem, saying, “Go and search diligently for the child, and when you have found him, bring me word, that I too may come and worship him.” After listening to the king, they went on their way. And behold, the star that they had seen when it rose went before them until it came to rest over the place where the child was… And being warned in a dream not to return to Herod, they departed to their own country by another way. Now when they had departed, behold, an angel of the Lord appeared to Joseph in a dream and said, “Rise, take the child and his mother, and flee to Egypt, and remain there until I tell you, for Herod is about to search for the child, to destroy him…” Then Herod, when he saw that he had been tricked by the wise men, became furious, and he sent and killed all the male children in Bethlehem and in all that region who were two years old or under, according to the time that he had ascertained from the wise men (Matthew 2:1-9; 13; 16). 

Planned Parenthood needs some Herod busts outside their buildings.

So what are my grievances?

I am grieved that Planned Parenthood slaughters and murders children in the womb with the legal protection of the United States of America.

I am grieved that Planned Parenthood has the audacity to wish anyone happy holidays.

Merry Christmas

Tomorrow is Christmas eve. Then I will be merry again as I remember that Planned Parenthood and Secularism itself  are crawling on their bellies, bleeding out, frantically grasping for a near by weapon. Christmas has triumphed over them.

Make no mistake about it, Herod responded correctly to the birth of Christ.

“When Herod the king heard this, he was troubled, and all Jerusalem with him” (Matthew 2:3).

Herod was troubled. Herod was furious. Herod tried to perform a “post third trimester” kind of abortion on Jesus. Why? Because Herod understood the birth of Christ better than many evangelicals do quite frankly. Herod knew that Jesus’ birth had political ramifications. As Douglas Wilson once put it,

“But why should we start with the axiomatic assumption that the Christian faith, which has had more of a political impact than any other force in the world, is apolitical? … The message of Christ is about deliverance from sin and death. But do sin and death remain internally located in each individual soul, or do sin and death ever come out? Do sin and death ever shape the polis? When people sin in three dimensions, and they demand that the throne be established on unrighteousness, and they frame iniquity with a law, and they say that a woman can have her child dismembered in the womb as a constitutional right, does the church, with its message of sin and death, have anything to say about all this sin and death?” (Empires of Dirt, 118-119).

Jesus is king. Jesus is Lord. That means everyone answers to Him. That means every organization is accountable to Him. That means that those who do not bow down at His feet gladly will be subdued underneath His feet reluctantly.

Then comes the end, when he delivers the kingdom to God the Father after destroying every rule and every authority and power. For he must reign until he has put all his enemies under his feet. The last enemy to be destroyed is death
(1 Corinthians 15:24-26).

Herod tried to end Jesus because Jesus was a legitimate threat to Herod’s reign, power, and lifestyle. But Herod could not thwart God’s plans, and both Secularism and Planned Parenthood will also fail to accomplish Herod’s ancient dream.

Planned Parenthood, and all those who fly the banner of Seculardom be warned: Christ is King; Jesus is Lord. And He comes to make His blessings flow far as the curse is found. He will make the nations prove the glories of his righteousness and the wonders of His love. Planned Parenthood is a defeated foe taking its final breaths. Secularism is defeated foe hemorrhaging in the dark, both soon to be eradicated. Repent and believe… and merry Christmas.